Being a single mother with 2 girls..

I always fear what is going to become of me and my girls. Will I be around long enough to teach them the things that they need to learn in life to be successful? I hate the fact that my life is in someone elses hand, the doctors are pretty much in control my life. what I can do what I can and cannot eat, now i need to relocate because hawaii doesnt have the equipment or the specialist to treat me.Ii yearn to be normal again. I forget what it like to wake up nd not have to take meds or be in pain. it kills me that my girls only know me as sick.Ii want hem to know the fun, free spirited, outgoing me.

Cancer doesn’t only affect the person with it. Cancer affects everyone around that person too. I Lost my last relationship because he didn;t understand what I was going through and just toook things as me just being a B…. and he didn’t feel he should sacrafice everything that he build in hawaii and relocate with me to get me the care I needed. That cruhed me.

I dont think I will ever be able to trust another guy again. He was with me from the start  and to leave me when things got ruff, well I guess its a blessing.  Better he leave now then later right?!

HOW DO I DEAL WITH THINGS?

I grew up knowing nothing but being disapointed and pain. Im used to it. I have my kids now that remind me that im not here for me any more, im here for them. they need me to hold it together and try to make the best of what i can for them. i look at them and I want to make sure they never know a life like what i lived, ever.

I hurt, I hurt a lot. I try to be strong inront of my girls , but they aren’t dumb they know me all tooo well. they know when im hurting and try to make me smile. i love them so much. i wouldnt be here if it weren’t for them.

Allow me to introduce myself…

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Aloha, my name is Chantal. (lets keep it simple) I am a 29 year old single mother of two beautiful girls, ages 7 and 9. I was delt a pretty ruff hand since I was born, we can get into that  later. Right now i’m currently dealing with the fact of being a single mother of two girls and tend to my health issues. I unfortunately was Diagnosed with A.L.L. Childhood Leukemia when I was 15, the summer of 9th grade going into 10th grade. however i endured 2 1/2 years of chemo therapy while I was living with my adoptive family. (I never got along with them, they hated me). I graduated with my class… class of 2004!YAY!

For Cancer patients normally once you finish treatment if you go five years with no problems, you free and clear. Normally means the nighmare is now behind you. Not for me, at the age of 24 , I had 2 little girle they were 2 and 4. It was 2010, my oldest had just started Kindergarden. As with many parents, I was excited to do extra curricular activities with my kids. I was very athletic and also a beach bum (i loved to swim), and an outdoors person. My world came crumbling down as I started to get familiar symptoms, I was in denial for quite a while, I didn’t want it to be true. I couldn’t be true. I was well past the 5 year mark. Finnally the pain in my ancles was too much for me to bare, I had to use my 4 year old as a crutch to get to the car to go to the E.R., but I had to let my then boyfriend in on my little secret.

The guy I was dating at the time was a christian guy, deeply rooted and refused to believe that my cancer had come back and was the cause of my pain. I knew the pain all too well. We went from one ER to drs to another where they finally got ahold of my old oncologyst. One of the drs called me in the ER to let me know that they were going to have me transfered to their hospital imediately to begin care, it was one of my old nurses, She was now a nurse practitioner there. She appologized for what I was going through even though it wasn’t her fault. I agreed to be transfered and mentally prepared myself for what i had to do.

The guy I had been dating, we weren’t together very long and he just got out of jail serving 21 years. What i was about to go through was going to be much harder than the first time. I couldnt imagine him wanting to stay, he had just met me barely 3 month prior. I had to let him go. I looked at him ad told him,” i want you to leave, I rather you leave now, then later down the road you realize that this is too much for you and leave then. That would kill me. What im about to go through is not going to be easy at all..” I knew and acceppted it, i had no choice. He, looked shocked that i would say something like that, that when the pain meds was uped and i barely remamered anything for the next two weeks.

 

single mother of 2 girls while battling for her life, facing adversity and staying strongg